Most of us have one or two exceptionally difficult people in our lives. How do we deal with such a person in our recovery?

First, we take our own inventory. Have we wronged this person? Has some action or attitude of ours served as an invitation for the kind of treatment they have given us? If so, we will want to clear the air, admit we have been wrong, and ask our Higher Power to remove whatever defects may prevent us from being helpful and constructive.

Next, as people seeking to live spiritually oriented lives, we approach the problem from the other person's point of view. They may be faced with any number of challenges we either fail to consider or know nothing about, challenges that cause them to be unpleasant. As it's said, we seek in recovery "to forgive rather than be forgiven; to understand rather than be understood."

Finally, if it is within our power, we seek ways to help others overcome their challenges without injuring their dignity. We pray for their well-being and spiritual growth and for the ability to offer them the unconditional love that has meant so much to us in our recovery.

We cannot change the difficult people in our lives, nor can we please everyone. But by applying the spiritual principles we've learned in NA, we can learn to love them.

We live in the world where—consciously and unconsciously—we adjust how we speak and behave at times to fit our circumstances. We avoid certain four-letter words when talking to Granny or the boss, for example. We greet each other in different ways, too. A handshake, a bow, or a fist bump may be called for, depending on the situation, or maybe cheek-to-cheek air kisses—one, two, or three. The point is that people—even nonaddicts—adapt as a sign of respect or solidarity.

But as with so many other characteristics, addicts can take this natural inclination to extremes. In active addiction, we scaled up our capacity to "read" situations and leveraged this skill set to get what we needed. Instead of being flexible to connect with others, we were cunning manipulators trying to get our way.

Recovery helps us return this ability to its proper proportions. Working the Steps helps us figure out who we are and then supports our efforts to be and do our best. What a relief! We can be more secure in our own identities and less like chameleons today. Practicing the spiritual principle of anonymity does not mean losing our individuality. In reality, the very character of Narcotics Anonymous relies, in part, on "the rough-and-tumble liveliness that arises from the diverse personalities of our members," as stated in It Works: How and Why.

In being our weird, wonderful selves, we allow a broader range of addicts to connect with the message and come to believe that NA might work for them, too. Collectively and individually, we are NA's best asset. In fact, we are NA. When we share from the heart, others connect. Being ourselves to the best of our ability makes way for others to do the same. There is a place for all of us in NA. We all fit in when we focus on carrying and receiving our message of hope.