When we start the Ninth Step, we've reached an exciting stage in our recovery. The damage done in our lives is what led many of us to seek help in the first place. Now, we have a chance to clean up that wreckage, amend our past, and reclaim our lives.

We've spent a long time and much effort preparing for this step. When we came to NA, facing the debris of our past was probably the last thing we wanted to do. We started doing it privately with a personal inventory. Then, we opened our past up to the scrutiny of a select, trusted few: ourselves, our Higher Power, and one other person. We took a look at our shortcomings, the source of much of the chaos in our lives, and asked that all those defects of character be removed. Finally, we listed the amends needed to set our wrongs right-all of them-and became willing to make them.

Now, we have the opportunity to make amends-to acquire freedom from the wreckage of our past. Everything we've done so far in NA has led us here. At this point in the process of our recovery, the Ninth Step is exactly what we want to do. With the Twelve Steps and the help of a Higher Power, we are clearing away the rubble that for so long has stood in the way of our progress; we are gaining the freedom to live.

Before coming to the Fellowship of NA, we had a distorted sense of both giving and receiving love. Now that we're clean, we've got love all figured out . . . if only that were true! It doesn't matter how much time we have clean (or what type of love we are talking about); love is a serious business that requires vigilance.

Where and how do we addicts go looking for love? When we write our inventories and listen to those of our sponsees, that question is answered in abundance. We hear many stories of unmet expectations, abandonment by parents and partners, abuse, and neglect. Others are about relationships sought, gained, and sustained through manipulation and passive-aggressive behaviors—and sometimes coercive acts. We hear about love being confused with the exchange of sex, money, and, of course, drugs.

We did those things to others, and others did them to us. And many of those behaviors will appear in future inventories because our character defects will rear their ugly heads again. The difference is that in NA we have the opportunity to seek and express love in ways that are manifestations of our assets, rather than our defects.

In NA, we get to experience the unconditional love of the Fellowship. We learn how to love and care for people in the rooms, as we learn how to accept that same love and care from others. Also, we will have abundant opportunities outside the rooms to apply the principles of love. Through working the Steps honestly and thoroughly, we are far less likely to try to manipulate and control others—or let ourselves be manipulated and controlled.