Surrender and acceptance are like infatuation and love. Infatuation begins when we encounter someone special. Infatuation requires nothing but the acknowledgment of the object of our infatuation. For infatuation to become love, however, requires a great deal of effort. That initial connection must be slowly, patiently nurtured into a lasting, durable bond.

It's the same with surrender and acceptance. We surrender when we acknowledge our powerlessness. Slowly, we come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves can give us the care we need. Surrender turns to acceptance when we let this Power into our lives. We examine ourselves and let our God see us as we are. Having allowed the God of our understanding access to the depths of ourselves, we accept more of God's care. We ask this Power to relieve us of our shortcomings and help us amend the wrongs we've done. Then, we embark on a new way of life, improving our conscious contact and accepting our Higher Power's continuing care, guidance, and strength.

Surrender, like infatuation, can be the beginning of a lifelong relationship. To turn surrender into acceptance, however, we must let the God of our understanding take care of us each day.

Our willingness to stay clean triggers willingness to improve our lives. In turn, we're able to look at ourselves with greater clarity and a realness we never imagined possible. Our minds become open to an awareness of our shortcomings and our limitations. We humbly evaluate and acknowledge our assets. Acceptance of where we are right now creates a willingness to move forward. And like everything in recovery—and in life—we won't experience self-acceptance perfectly. Rather, it's something we strive for daily.

In recovery, accepting ourselves doesn't mean we accept our conditions. Instead, we can pursue new goals that better mirror the self we have come to accept. Many of us who find some stability in NA also find the willingness to create new opportunities for ourselves or take ones that are offered to us. We now know that we don't have to be held back or be victimized by our past. We follow through on a long-held dream, rent our own place for the first time, enroll in or finish college, or start a family.

We also can be led by a deep-seated knowing, or what one member called "divine dissatisfaction." A motivating, self-affirming voice tells us it's time to move on from the relationship that we've used all the arrows in our quiver to save. It tells us to move on from a job that's no longer fulfilling us, to move to a new city, to just move our lives in some significant way. We learn to trust our instincts.

Our self-acceptance helps us to be willing to make mistakes—and then be willing to forgive ourselves and learn from them. We find ourselves often being more flexible, knowing that we'll be okay no matter what, more resilient and responsible, less of a perfectionist. If one endeavor doesn't work, we're willing to feel the pain of failure and then seek an alternative strategy to reach our goal.