Love given, and love received, is the essence of life itself. It is the universal common denominator, connecting us to those around us. Addiction deprived us of that connection, locking us within ourselves.

The love we find in the NA program reopens the world to us. It unlocks the cage of addiction which once imprisoned us. By receiving love from other NA members, we find out-perhaps for the first time-what love is and what it can do. We hear fellow members talk about the sharing of love, and we sense the substance it lends to their lives.

We begin to suspect that, if giving and receiving love means so much to others, maybe it can give meaning to our lives, too. We sense that we are on the verge of a great discovery, yet we also sense that we won't fully understand the meaning of love unless we give ours away. We try it, and discover the missing connection between ourselves and the world.

Today, we realize that what they said was true: "We keep what we have only by giving it away."

"Wait, so . . . sex and intimacy are not the same thing?" This is news to many of us.

What isn't news is the complex and often contradictory relationship at play when it comes to our sexual behavior, our addiction, and our capacity for intimacy. For many of us, sex has been a useful tool, a bargaining chip. We've used it as a shield to deflect intimacy rather than experience it.

Sex can be so intricately entwined with our use of substances that we may need to learn how to have sex without using. Will we be able to perform? Will we even enjoy it? How can we fulfill our sexual desires without taking advantage of others or putting ourselves at risk for the same?

Learning how to have sex clean is one thing. Being intimate with others in a nonsexual context is another. True intimacy requires mutual honesty and willingness from all involved parties?quite literally, baring our souls instead of baring our bodies.

How on earth do we approach this? It's overwhelming, and who says we even want

intimacy, anyway? Is that a requirement for staying clean?

We approach this jumbled human mess with patience for ourselves, no matter how long we have clean. We approach it with some resolve to understand and communicate our desires and our truths. And, if possible, we approach it with the understanding that our relationship to sex and intimacy will continue to evolve as we mature in our recovery—and grow older.