In a lifelong process of coming to believe, our understanding of God will change. The understanding we have when new in recovery will not be the same when we have a few months clean, nor will that understanding be the same when we have a few years clean.

Our initial understanding of a Power greater than ourselves will most likely be limited. That Power will keep us clean but, we may think, nothing more. We may hesitate to pray because we have placed conditions on what we will ask our Higher Power to do for us. "Oh, this stuff is so awful, even God couldn't do anything," we might say, or "God's got a lot of people to take care of. There's no time for me."

But, as we grow in recovery, so will our understanding. We'll begin to see that the only limits to God's love and grace are those we impose by refusing to step out of the way. The loving God we come to believe in is infinite, and the power and love we find in our belief is shared by nearly every recovering addict around the world.

NA recovery allows us to accept love even when our lives have been shattered by loss. Emotional pain makes this feel especially risky, but we take a chance, gather our courage, and lean on our fellow members. In times like these, we grow to appreciate all that recovery has to offer.

Too often, pride, low self-esteem, and fear of rejection block us from reaching out or accepting help from others. Not wanting to be a burden or to appear needy, we isolate and tell ourselves that we can handle this alone. We overestimate our nuisance value and deny others the opportunity to love, support, and serve us. We're embarrassed by our pain. It's inconvenient and uncomfortable to be so vulnerable. We hide behind a cloak of self- sufficiency and independence.

Of course, there's no right or wrong way to grieve. It's not unreasonable to want to spend some time alone with our thoughts and our Higher Power. Intense feelings of loss can make it hard to find a balance between solitude and isolation. We do our best to be honest with ourselves. Letting others love us when we're grieving helps us avoid the trap of old ideas.

Accepting love, whether gracefully or begrudgingly, is in itself an act of love. And the consequences often prove astounding. "My best friend relapsed and died," one member shared. "I thought people didn't want to hear about how I felt, but after I shared, I got so much love and support that it truly renewed my faith in NA. It's why I'm clean today."