Imagine what would happen if a newcomer walked into one of our meetings and was met by a group of grim-faced people gripping the arms of their chairs with white knuckles. That newcomer would probably bolt, perhaps muttering, "I thought I could get off drugs and be happy".

Thankfully, our newcomers are usually met by a group of friendly, smiling folks who are obviously fairly content with the lives they've found in Narcotics Anonymous. What an enormous amount of hope this provides! A newcomer, whose life has been deadly serious, is strongly attracted by an atmosphere of laughter and relaxation. Coming from a place where everything is taken seriously, where disaster always waits around the next corner, it's a welcome relief to enter a room and find people who generally don't take themselves too seriously, who are ready for something wonderful.

We learn to lighten up in recovery. We laugh at the absurdity of our addiction. Our meetings-those rooms filled with the lively, happy sounds of percolating coffee, clattering chairs, and laughing addicts-are the gathering places where we first welcome our newcomers and let them know that, yes, we're having fun now.

Addicts seem especially prone to being all-or-nothing people. We either know or have been the kind of people who flip between manipulation and brutal honesty, who exercise eight days a week or not at all, or who have love/hate relationships with everything and everybody. One member described their approach to relationships this way: "Either I'm all in or you're dead to me." Suspicion, cynicism, and self-reliance were survival skills.

It doesn't take much cleantime for us to realize this dark and fearful view of the world won't serve our recovery well. Hope for a better life creeps up on us, crowding out our previously dark outlook. Some of us even adopt an uncharacteristically sunny disposition as the renowned "pink cloud" colors our entire approach to life for a time. Not to knock this glorious phase of early recovery or those lucky enough to experience it, but blind optimism carries its own risks. We can trust NA with saving our lives without entrusting every member with all of our secrets. It's important to modulate our openness, discerning the difference between sharing at group level, confiding in a friend, and baring our soul in a Fifth Step. Of course, some of our best lessons come from our mistakes.

This is where discernment comes in. Discernment introduces us to the brake pedal so that we don't have to lurch between extremes. Tapping the brakes on our thinking and behavior allows us to practice good judgment instead of impulsiveness. Discernment turns a toggle switch into a dial. Instead of binary choices like trust or don't trust, we discern the useful territory between poles. We discern not just right from wrong, but also right from almost right.

Discernment helps us make better choices and learn from experience. We'll still get things wrong, but we take the time to discern a better approach and try again.