A negative attitude is the trademark of active addiction. Everything that occurred in our lives was someone or something else's fault. We had blaming others for our shortcomings down to a fine science. In recovery, one of the first things we strive to develop is a new attitude. We find that life goes a lot easier when we replace our negative thinking with positive principles.

While a negative attitude dogged us in our active addiction, all too often it can follow us into the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous. How can we begin to adjust our attitudes? By altering our actions. It isn't easy, but it can be done.

We can start by listening to the way we talk. Before we open our mouths, we ask ourselves some simple questions: Does what I'm going to say speak to the problem, or the solution? Is what I'm going to say framed in a kind manner? Is what I have to say important, or would everyone be just as well off if I kept my mouth shut? Am I talking just to hear myself talk, or is there some purpose to my "words of wisdom"?

Our attitudes are expressed in our actions. Often, it's not what we say, but the way we say it, that really matters. As we learn to speak in a more positive manner, we will notice our attitudes improving as well.

While using, most of us were not asked to lead anything. When we did have such experiences, they were often opportunities for our character defects to feed like vampires on their victims' blood. Our ravenous need for perfection and validation, our self- importance, competitiveness, and attention-seeking branded those situations. Others of us imploded with self-doubt. We couldn't ask for help, didn't feel we had anything to offer, or were too high to show up. Such experiences only made us more isolated and fearful and even less willing to take on responsibilities, if anyone bothered to ask again.

When it comes to service, our one-two punch of low self-esteem and high self-importance follows us into the rooms. If we are asked to take out the rubbish, it requires asking someone, "Where to?" and even that can be hard for us. If we're asked to lead a meeting, we need assurance that we don't have to wow them with war stories—real or imagined—or slay with our comic genius. All we have to do is show up and be honest. When we lack humility, everything is more complicated than it needs to be.

If we are willing, we'll end up in service positions that suit our innate talents—some that we'll grow into with support and others that will expose our defects to the bone. Humility is the vehicle that allows us to accept responsibility without serving our ego. We can do something well without showing off, just as we can do something awkwardly, or even fail at it, with grace.