"Flexibility" was not a part of the vocabulary we used in our using days. We'd become obsessed with the raw pleasure of our drugs and hardened to all the softer, subtler, more infinitely varied pleasures of the world around us. Our disease had turned life itself into a constant threat of jails, institutions, and death, a threat against which we hardened ourselves all the more. In the end we became brittle. With the merest breath of life's wind we crumbled at last, broken, defeated, with no choice but to surrender.

But the beautiful irony of recovery is that, in our surrender, we found the flexibility we had lost in our addiction, the very lack of which had defeated us. We regained the ability to bend in life's breeze without breaking. When the wind blew, we felt its loving caress against our skin, where once we would have hardened ourselves as if against the onrush of a storm.

The winds of life blow new airs our way each moment, and with them new fragrances, new pleasures, varied, subtly different. As we bend with life's wind, we feel and hear and touch and smell and taste all it has to offer us. And as new winds blow, we feel renewed.

For many of us, a belief in our own inadequacy was a constant undercurrent in our lives before NA. We did our best to keep it hidden by putting on a brave front. Behind our masks, thoughts that we were not enough still plagued us. This idea that we lacked sufficient ability, power, or means follows a lot of us into recovery. Although we'd stopped using, we still felt incapable of dealing with life.

We can start to rebuild our self-image by embracing a practical application of humility; we commit to seeing ourselves as part of humanity, no better or worse than the rest of it. With time and effort put into stepwork, we get a more accurate picture of who we are. We warm up to the idea that we will have and will do enough, and even that we are enough.

When self-support seems like too big of a stretch, we entrust our support system to help us make that leap. We pay attention to the experience of our fellows and emulate their commitment to self-determination. We lean into acceptance and faith as we figure out what the next right thing might look like. Our collective experience tells us that action is the key to moving an idea from our heads to our hearts. So, what actions align with self- support?

When we are present, plugged in, and ready, we can step through doors as they open, find the right words to match the situation, and otherwise take leaps of faith we weren't sure we had in us. One member's experience speaks to such a moment: "My mom was paying my rent for my first year clean, but she would also always come around and tell me I wasn't keeping the place clean enough or that I needed to do something different with my hair.

The idea of saying 'no' to her support was scary; the freedom that came with it was a big step toward believing in myself . . . Maybe for the first time in my life."