Many of us came to Narcotics Anonymous with something less than an overwhelming desire to stop using. Sure, the drugs were causing us problems, and we wanted to be rid of the problems, but we didn't want to stop getting high. Eventually, though, we saw that we couldn't have one without the other. Even though we really wanted to get loaded, we didn't use; we weren't willing to pay the price anymore. The longer we stayed clean and worked the program, the more freedom we experienced. Sooner or later, the compulsion to use was lifted from us completely, and we stayed clean because we wanted to live clean.

The same principles apply to other negative impulses that may plague us. We may feel like doing something destructive, just because we want to. We've done it before, and sometimes we think we've gotten away with it, but sometimes we haven't. If we're not willing to pay the price for acting on such feelings, we don't have to act on them.

It may be hard, maybe even as hard as it was to stay clean in the beginning. But others have felt the same way and have found the freedom not to act on their negative impulses. By sharing about it and seeking the help of other recovering people and a Power greater than ourselves, we can find the direction, the support, and the strength we need to abstain from any destructive compulsion.

Addicts tend to feel judged. Likely that's because we can be pretty harsh in our opinions of others. While gossiping and talking down to others may have been currency in our old lives, these defects can reemerge for us in recovery if we're not vigilant. They can poison our outlook on life, spoil relationships, and drive members from the rooms. Tradition Three clarifies the one and only requirement for membership: a desire to stop using.

When it comes to the brand-spanking-new member, we seem to get that. Empathy for the newcomer often comes easy, since we've all been in that position. For many of us, it gets harder to set aside judgments of the so-called "chronic relapser." Then, we remember that guy. He'd been in and out repeatedly over the years when suddenly something clicked. He stopped using and stayed stopped. Or we recall that other longtime member whose cleantime never amounted to much. When her mom spoke at her memorial service, she thanked NA for giving her daughter the best days of her life. We may wish that everyone would stick and stay, but that's not a requirement for membership.

Judgments and expectations of people with significant cleantime can leave them feeling isolated, too. NA is a program for living. We all need a place where we can share our lives' struggles, losses, and failings to survive them clean. Thankfully, we become less concerned about what others think of us with time. "Other members put me on a pedestal, but it's my responsibility to get the heck down," one oldtimer shared.

When we are truly walking in surrender, we will muster a bit more patience for and tolerance of our fellow members, no matter their cleantime. We surrender to Tradition Three and let go of any additional requirements for membership our disease may have invented.