Many of us have a hard time with the idea of a Higher Power until we fully accept the depth of our own powerlessness over addiction. Once we do, most of us are at least willing to consider seeking the help of some Power greater than our disease. The first practical exposure many of us have to that kind of Power is in the NA group. Perhaps that's where we should start in developing our own understanding of God.

One evidence of the Power in the group is the unconditional love shown when NA members help one another without expectation of reward. The group's collective experience in recovery is itself a Power greater than our own, for the group has practical knowledge of what works and what doesn't And the fact that addicts keep coming to NA meetings, day after day, is a demonstration of the presence of a Higher Power, some attractive, caring force at work that helps addicts stay clean and grow.

All these things are evidence of a Power that can be found in NA groups. When we look around with an open mind, each of us will be able to identify other signs of that Power. It doesn't matter if we call it God, a Higher Power, or anything else-just as long as we find a way to incorporate that Power into our daily lives.

Over time in NA, we learn that we are worthy of forgiveness. That discovery comes, in part, as a result of making our Step Nine amends. Part of our preparation for this process is to understand why we are doing it. To make meaningful and lasting change in our lives, we must make peace with the consequences of our actions and the harm we've caused.

While being forgiven by those we've hurt is a blessing, finding self-acceptance cannot be conditional on another's actions. We must reconcile with ourselves to heal from our past. Forgiving ourselves is not contingent on receiving forgiveness from those we've harmed.

Reconciliation may not always be possible. Though we may believe we deserve to be heard and forgiven, some will understandably stonewall our efforts. What then? It's pretty hard to gain the courage to undertake this process—but then we have to be humble enough to accept the reaction, even if it's a flat-out rejection? That rejection may be excruciating for those of us whose self-esteem hinges entirely on being liked by others. We ask ourselves, "Am I even still worthy of forgiveness? How do I walk through this?"

No one is obligated to forgive us. We are powerless over other people's willingness or readiness. In a situation like this one, we have one option for healing: move forward. That may take time because rejection is painful. As hard as it is to accept, we have to find a way to live with that pain without inflicting it on others. We must try to forgive ourselves for the consequences of our actions.

Not being forgiven is its own beast—and its own lesson in practicing spiritual principles. This experience might give us pause the next time we want to rebuff someone else's amends.

We may be quicker to forgive because we know what it's like to experience that wall and how much effort it takes to live with that and let it go.