There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Being lonely is a state of the heart, an emptiness that makes us feel sad and sometimes hopeless. Loneliness is not always alleviated when we enter into relationships or surround ourselves with others. Some of us are lonely even in a room full of people.

Many of us came to Narcotics Anonymous out of the desperate loneliness of our addiction. After coming to meetings, we begin to make new friends, and often our feelings of loneliness ease. But many of us must contend with loneliness throughout our recovery.

What is the cure for loneliness? The best cure is to begin a relationship with a Higher Power that can help fill the emptiness of our heart. We find that when we have a belief in a Higher Power, we never have to feel lonely. We can be alone more comfortably when we have a conscious contact with a God of our understanding.

We often find deep fulfillment in our interactions with others as we progress in our recovery. Yet we also find that, the closer we draw to our Higher Power, the less we need to surround ourselves with others. We begin to find a spirit within us that is our constant companion as we continue to explore and deepen our connection with a Power greater than ourselves. We realize we are spiritually connected with something bigger than we are.

Each of us looks for a sponsor who does the deal: trusts a Higher Power, cleans house, and helps other addicts. We seek out experienced members who have what we want and will accept us without judgment. Most importantly, we look for sponsors who will offer loving guidance through the Twelve Steps of NA.

Such love takes many forms. Some of us rely on our sponsors for an unbiased perspective on our thoughts and behaviors. Others appreciate being offered gentle guidance, tempered with loads of support and empathy. Whether our sponsors apply a firm hand or a soft touch, we learn to confide in them. Their acceptance of us—warts and all—helps us to accept that everything is as it should be.

Working Steps is a process of self-discovery. With a sponsor to hold the flashlight, our hands are free to dig deep. They help us figure out who we are and who we're not. As one

member described it, "This process taught me not to fear the truth about myself. It turns out that I'm not as good or as bad as I thought I was."

We can learn a lot about recovery by talking to more experienced members. To find what's true for ourselves, however, it's helpful to have someone to question our ideas. As one member put it, "Instead of telling me what to do, my sponsor helped me figure out my own answers about who I am." We may aspire to be like our sponsors at first, but few sponsors are looking to mold a mini-me. Instead, they help us to be ourselves.