Somewhere along the way, many of us developed strong feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. Deep inside was a voice that continually cried out, "You're worthless!" Many of us learn to recognize this characteristic of low self-esteem very early in our recovery. Some of us may feel that our feelings of inferiority were where all our problems began.

Whether we learn this low self-esteem in our families or through our interactions with others, in NA we learn the tools for reclaiming ourselves. Building up our fractured self-esteem sometimes begins by simply accepting a service position. Or perhaps our phone begins to ring, and for the first time people are calling just to see how we are. They don't want anything from us but to reach out and help.

Next we get a sponsor, someone who teaches us that we are worthwhile and believes in us until we can believe in ourselves. Our sponsor guides us through the Twelve Steps where we learn who we really are, not who we have built ourselves up or down to be.

Low self-esteem doesn't go away overnight. Sometimes it takes years for us to really get in touch with ourselves. But with the help of other members of NA who share our same feelings, and by working the Twelve Steps, we blossom into individuals that others and, most importantly, we ourselves respect.

NA offers plenty of opportunities for us to learn how to do a better job of living in the world. While very few of us show up to NA with the credentials of "great listener," sitting through recovery meetings can teach us much about making an effort to truly understand what others are saying. The listening skills we hone in recovery meetings are quite useful in NA service, too. Self-centeredness might cause us to put the responsibility for good communication on others: If they would just be clearer, we wouldn't have to listen so carefully. As we learn in meetings, with our sponsors, calling other addicts—communication is a two-way street, and we're much better off when we work on our side, rather than insisting on improvements across the way.

"I noticed a fellow trusted servant frequently restating things other members had shared, but in different words," a member wrote. "I got angry, thinking they wanted credit for everyone else's ideas. After a while, I realized that they were basically interpreting for themselves as they tried to understand what other people were saying. The service meetings take longer, but I think hearing things in multiple ways actually ends up being helpful."

There are many ways we can improve our ability to listen in service. For example, not talking while others are talking can be practiced well in most recovery meetings. Other techniques, like asking others to clarify what they're saying, might be better reserved for service meetings. Sponsorship helps, too, of course. A member wrote, "My sponsor would say, 'What I hear you saying is…' I started using that phrase in service, and soon my communication was improving dramatically!"