It's funny to remember how reluctant we once were to surrender to recovery. We seemed to think we had wonderful, fulfilling lives as using addicts and that giving up our drugs would be worse than serving a life sentence at hard labor. In reality, the opposite was true: Our lives were miserable, but we were afraid to trade that familiar misery for the uncertainties of recovery.

It's possible to be miserable in recovery, too, though it's not necessary. No one will force us to work the steps, go to meetings, or work with a sponsor. There is no NA militia that will force us to do the things that will free us from pain. But we do have a choice. We've already chosen to give up the misery of active addiction for the sanity of recovery. Now, if we're ready to exchange today's misery for even greater peace, we have a means to do just that-if we really want to.

Active addiction is a mess—physical, mental, emotional, spiritual disorder in the flesh. There isn't enough room on this page to list what we lose or risk losing while we're using: our health and well-being, our loved ones, our freedom, our minds, and . . . Our keys! We've all been there.

We also lose ourselves. Which selves? Exactly. Which, indeed. In the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous, we often hear members say, "Out there, I was a chameleon." While we were using, we changed our behavior, even our personalities—from situation to situation—to meet our self-centered ends, to survive. That's some masterful creativity for sure.

As with all of our defects, if we flip the coin over, there's an asset on the other side. We can be as curious and adaptable as we are manipulative and self-seeking. By the same token, just as we used our creativity to survive, we can rely on it now to rebuild our lives from the inside.

When we're clean, our creative efforts aren't squandered away on hiding who we are. We don't have to waste energy developing new strategies to get what we want at the cost of our sanity and everything else we stand to lose. Instead, we take a creative approach to our program of recovery and change it up when we need a reboot.

In working Steps, we learn who we are, who we're not, and who we want to be. Through sharing and listening to other members, we can figure out what's broken in us, which parts can realistically be glued back together, and which can be tossed in the bin. As a result, we learn how to express who we are with integrity. We get to be our true selves in relationships with others—and in the ways we dig into work, our interests, and service.

Some of us even find creative ways to keep track of those bloody keys!