Some of us, well accustomed to leaving our personal responsibilities to others, may attempt the same behavior in recovery. We quickly find out it doesn't work.

For instance, we are considering making a change in our lives, so we call our sponsor and ask what we should do. Under the guise of seeking direction, we are actually asking our sponsor to assume responsibility for making decisions about our life. Or maybe we've been short with someone at a meeting, so we ask that person's best friend to make our apologies for us. Perhaps we've imposed on a friend several times in the last month to cover our service commitment. Could it be that we've asked a friend to analyze our behavior and identify our shortcomings, rather than taking our own personal inventory?

Recovery is something that has to be worked for. It isn't going to be handed to us on a silver platter, nor can we expect our friends or our sponsor to be responsible for the work we must do ourselves. We recover by making our own decisions, doing our own service, and working our own steps. By doing it for ourselves, we receive the rewards.

"Change is a process, not an event," NA members often say—because we find it to be true! The same can be said about how we begin to experience self-acceptance in our first days, weeks, or months clean. That intuitive sense that we are, in fact, okay can feel like coming in from the cold. We enjoy a bit of self-acceptance even before we've worked all Twelve Steps. As we work the NA program, those feelings deepen, settle, and evolve just as we do.

It's a mistake to assume self-acceptance awaits us once we change some external conditions. We may hope—without evidence—a new year, a new flame, a new town, or a new diet will bring us contentment. When we reach outside ourselves to fix what's within, our plan is to emerge as better people, more worthy of acceptance. To our disappointment and pain, we also have found accuracy in this familiar saying: "Wherever you go, there you are." Sure enough.

NA's literature, meetings, and online spaces help us find a better perspective on ourselves and our lives. Instead of focusing solely on our admirable qualities, we learn to embrace all facets of ourselves—our assets and our liabilities. We take responsibility for our recovery and, in working the Twelve Steps, come to accept the world around and within us. We divulge our secrets and find that we're not alone. "Even amid my struggles and sometimes bad behavior," one member wrote, "I'm all right with this perfectly imperfect me. I know my wounds and my weapons. I'm a work in progress, and I am okay." We embrace our values, our process, and our growth.