To say "I'm sorry" probably isn't such a foreign idea to most of us. In our active addiction, it may have been a very familiar phrase. We were always telling people how sorry we were, and were probably deeply surprised when someone, tired of our meaningless apologies, responded with, "You sure are. In fact, you're the sorriest excuse for..." That may have been our first clue that an "I'm sorry" didn't really make any difference to those we harmed, especially when we both knew that we'd just do the same thing again.

Many of us thought that making amends would be another "I'm sorry." However, the action we take in those steps is entirely different. Making amends means to make changes, and above all, to make the situation right. If we stole money, we don't just say "I'm sorry. I'll never do it again now that I'm clean." We pay the money back. If we neglected or abused our families, we don't just apologize. We begin to treat them with respect.

Amending our behavior and the way we treat ourselves and others is the whole purpose of working the steps. We're no longer just "sorry"; we're responsible.

The gift of desperation doesn't look the same for all of us. One member quipped, "You can get off at any floor on the way down to hell." All of us were propelled into NA by despair, pain, and fear. And—over time—we're able to harness that energy to transform it into enough passion and excitement—even joy—to help us stay clean another day, grow spiritually, and live creatively and with purpose.

Living Clean reminds us: "Making the shift from desperation to passion is a First Step issue." In desperation, we surrender to being powerless over our addiction, and ultimately surrender to the first steps on our path of a new life and to the purpose of carrying the NA message. The member continued, "After my initial surrender, the changes I saw in myself fueled my passion for recovery! I was energized by the potential of what could come next." Like that initial surrender, this desperation-to-passion shift isn't a one-time deal. Despair still happens in recovery. But we can allow it to motivate us, driving us to make needed changes to our program and reigniting our passion to persevere with purpose.

Passion, like desperation, doesn't manifest in the same ways for all of us. Our personalities absolutely play a part in how our passion is revealed—and our mood also affects how we experience it. What is burning, purposeful, and creative passion on one day—excitement for sponsorship, motivation to serve, strongly held conviction—may look more like quiet fidelity to our program or begrudging perseverance on another. Although the fires may burn differently, they all propel us forward. Our passions don't always remain fixed, either. We may revisit ones long forgotten and discover new ones. We're free to passionately pursue the things that bring us joy and nurture our spirits—both in the rooms of NA and out in the world.