There is no such thing as a "failed" Twelfth Step call. Even if our prospect doesn't get clean, we have accomplished two purposes. We have planted the seed of recovery in the mind of the addict with whom we have shared our experience, strength, and hope. And we ourselves have stayed clean another day. Rarely does a recovering addict leave a Twelve Step call with anything but a deep dose of gratitude.

Sometimes we are practicing the Twelfth Step without realizing it. When our co-workers or other acquaintances know some of our history and see what kind of person we are today, they know where to go when they have a friend or loved one in need of our help. We are often the best attraction that NA has to offer!

For many addicts, the Twelfth Step is the cornerstone of recovery. We truly believe that "we can only keep what we have by giving it away" The paradox of the Twelfth Step is evident, for in giving, we receive.

Some of us took conflict avoidance to a new level. We didn't just steer clear of confrontations; we adopted a general policy that uncomfortable situations are best avoided. We applied this rule in our personal lives, with our families, at work, and in the Fellowship. Given a chance, we avoided any circumstances that might be awkward. We made excuses and skirted around the very experiences that build bonds among humans. Embarrassed by our own unease, we dodged the friend who needed comforting, declined invitations to weddings, and switched meeting attendance following an embarrassing outburst.

When we resisted showing up for life, our social awkwardness left us feeling incapable of taking the simplest of loving actions. In active addiction, we may have convinced ourselves that we didn't care—not even a little; our conduct was certainly consistent with that sentiment. Despite our every intention to remain aloof, we find ourselves learning to care as we begin to recover.

A desire to increase our level of engagement with the world may sneak up on us in time, or it might not. Some of us are loners by nature; it's just how we're wired. Finding comfort in solitude can be a beautiful thing. Isolation is a different matter. When we need help but refuse to pick up the phone, we might be in trouble. We learn to identify when enjoying our own company gives way to isolation and to take the actions necessary to stay safe and clean.

The Steps help us figure out who we are and who we're not. Experience is a great teacher, boosting our confidence in simply being ourselves. Instead of avoiding awkward situations, we walk through them. We enjoy the payoff when we get to the other side. When we reflect on our actions, we can see our growth. We let go of our old ways of feigned indifference and find ways to be ourselves in the world. Our willingness to grow and to be ourselves in the world shows that we are evolving into a more mature version of ourselves.