When new in recovery, most of us had at least one person we just couldn't stand. We thought that person was the rudest, most obnoxious person in the program. We knew there was something we could do, some principle of recovery we could practice to get over the way we felt about this person-but what? We asked our sponsor for guidance. We were probably assured, with an amused smile, that if we just kept coming back, we'd see the person get better That made sense to us. We believed that the steps of NA worked in the lives of everyone. If they could work for us, they could work for this horrible person, too.

Time passed, and at some point we noticed that the person didn't seem as rude or obnoxious as before. In fact, he or she had become downright tolerable, maybe even likeable. We got a pleasant jolt as we realized who had really gotten better. Because we had kept coming back, because we had kept working the steps, our perception of this person had changed. The person who'd plagued us had become "tolerable" because we'd developed some tolerance; he or she had become "likeable" because we'd developed the ability to love.

So who really gets better? We do! As we practice the program, we gain a whole new outlook on those around us by gaining a new outlook on ourselves.

Active addiction causes us shame, and shame feels lousy. We learned to shut down our feelings, to turn our backs to our emotional well-being. Before drugs were a problem, they were our solution. Our preferred state—a drug-induced haze—made it easier to shut down those pesky feelings.

When we get to NA, we start to feel better; we start to feel everything better. Early recovery can seem like a feelings roller coaster that takes us from uncomfortable to exhilarated with every turn. Since numbing our feelings isn't a viable option, we take a stab at understanding ourselves and the effects of the disease. Step One helps us to see how powerlessness and unmanageability shaped our every attempt to control our drug use. We begin to identify our feelings and verbalize our thoughts and emotions. When members nod and laugh in recognition as we share, we experience how good it feels to be understood.

We are inspired to be more understanding and empathetic. We practice being thoughtful and kind, and others reciprocate. We gain an awareness of how our behavior affects others. We learn to practice discretion and keep our unsolicited opinions to ourselves at times. This is new! Where once we were careless, practicing understanding calls on us to be considerate of others.

We gain valuable insight as we inventory our behavior. Most of us find that we've been on both sides of hurt feelings. This brings our understanding of ourselves and others to a whole new level.

We gain additional clarity in the amends process. We rally the courage and willingness to meet with the people we have harmed, to own our mistakes, and to change our behavior. We apply the principle of understanding by moving through our lives with more care and concern. Because we're human, there will be missteps, but as members of NA we have a process for staying clear and current.