Most of us come to Narcotics Anonymous with few genuine friends. And most of us arrive without the slightest understanding of what it takes to build lasting friendships. Over time, though, we learn that friendships require work. At one time or another, all friendships are challenging. Like any relationship, friendship is a learning process.

Our friends love us enough to tell us the truth about ourselves. The old saying, "The truth will set you free, but first it will make you furious," seems especially true in friendship. This can make friendships awkward. We may find ourselves avoiding certain meetings rather than facing our friends. We have found, though, that friends speak out of concern for us. They want the best for us. Our friends accept us despite our shortcomings. They understand that we are still a work in progress.

Friends are there for us when we're not there for ourselves. Friends help us gain valuable perspective on the events in our lives and our recovery. It is important that we actively cultivate friendships, for we have learned that we cannot recover alone.

Early in recovery, many of us are told, "Hey, don't future-trip!" when we express certainty that disaster lies ahead, no matter what we might do to prevent it, including staying clean and working a program. In NA, we frequently and actively encourage each other to be in the present moment, to focus on today and what is directly in front of us, instead of fearing what may come to pass.

But let's not be confused about what this means. We can and should plan for the future. We can allow ourselves to want a better life, full of good stuff—even really, really want it. We can't let fear of the unknown prevent our progress. Enacting the future we desire depends upon our willingness to plot steps in the direction of our vision and our desires . . . and having faith that we are going to be okay, no matter the outcome.

What we need to be cautious about, however, are expectations. Because we've let ourselves really want something, dare to hope for it, even (gasp!) fantasize about getting it, a loss can really shake us. But we can't let disappointment, or feelings of entitlement, rob us of the faith in ourselves that can feel so fragile at such times. We also can't succumb to the temptation to let a single failure, despite all of our good intentions and hard work, define us and stop us from trying again. One of faith's toughest and most rewarding lessons is when we do everything in our power to succeed, turn over the rest, lose out, learn from it, and be okay to let it go. That's a moment of freedom to savor, because it strengthens our faith to try again.

And there may even be times when the outcome we've experienced initially as utter failure turns out to be the best possible result that could have happened. Faith, perspective, and time often work together in ways that create insights we could never have imagined.