Using addicts are a confused and confusing bunch of people. It's hard to tell from one minute to the next what they're going to do or who they're going to be. Usually, the addict is just as surprised as anyone else.

When we used, our behavior was dictated by the needs of our addiction. Many of us still identify our personalities closely with the behavior we practiced while using, leading us to feel shame and despair. Today, we don't have to be the people we once were, shaped by our addiction; recovery has allowed us to change.

We can use the Fourth Step inventory to see past the needs of the old using life and find out who we want to be today. Writing about our behavior and noticing how we feel about that behavior helps us understand who we want to be. Our inventory helps us see beyond the demands of active addiction, beyond our desire to be loved and accepted-we find out who we are at the root. We begin to understand what's appropriate for us, and what we want our lives to be like. This is the beginning of becoming who we really are.

It's hard being right all the time. What makes it more difficult is that people don't seem to notice how right I am!

Before recovery, we were completely resistant to others' perspectives, especially about what we were doing with our lives: my life, my choices. Sometimes we'd pretend to hear someone out. Yes, great idea. I will apply for that job tomorrow. But we'd hit up the dealer instead.

Then we get clean, and there's an expectation that we take suggestions from more experienced members. Yes, great idea. I will get a commitment tomorrow. And we actually do! We even join a home group and are excited to participate in the monthly business meetings. We have some great ideas that will improve this group! First off, the IPs should be racked in numerical order. Secondly, the refreshments cost too much; we know where we can get cheaper stuff. And about that meeting format: Our area has too many literature studies!

There are exactly zero supporters of our proposed overhaul. Actually, there are other proposals on the table the group favors. Those won't work, we think. The group feels differently and votes accordingly. The meeting continues to thrive. What do I do now? We consult with a member we kind of trust. "Accept it and move on," they respond.

The concept of a group conscience is foreign to many of us, especially one expressed through a loving Higher Power. As NA members, we all get to have our perspectives heard. With practice, we even start to see the wisdom in others' ideas. For some of us, our acceptance only goes as far as this: Their ideas are almost as good as mine!